A week after Thanksgiving our world was rocked!!!! Something happened (sorry I can't say right now what) that led to several days of ups and downs and lots, lots, lots of prayer. I was told by our home study agency that we shouldn't adopt right now that it wouldn't be a good idea....I cried, a lot! I have wanted to adopt for as long as I can remember, I thought this was what God wanted for us, what he commands us (James 1:27- though I know it doesn't mean that everyone has to adopt). In my mind it was supposed to be this way: start the process in late
October 2012, get everything done as quickly and thoroughly as possible and based on the "average" timeline from our agency we
would have our 2 children in the fall of 2013 but perhaps that was just that MY timeline not HIS timeline. I was distraught :-(
Once I got myself together and spent some time in prayer I called our adoption agency. I was so thankful when I heard Aliesa's voice telling me everything was going to be fine, that we could keep going. The answer I wanted to hear but was it what we were supposed to do? Are we supposed to keep going, should we slow down, should we start again later?? We prayed (and are still praying) but we feel this is what God wants for our family and though I may not be holding my sweet African babies in early fall 2013 but hopefully in early 2014 (or whatever God's timeline is) we will.
I am reminded more and more each day that I have to surrender my will to God. His plan is always better than mine yet still I hold on...why? Why can't I let go and keep an open hand? Why do I always close back up and hold tight to what I want? My prayer through this (and in all aspects of life) is that I learn to keep an open hand, heart, and mind. God knows what He is doing and I need to surrender ALL.
This song, "Waiting Room" by Jonny Diaz is a great reminder....
Here in this waiting room yearning for You to say go
And though I’m convinced that a yes would be best
This time You’re telling me no
It’s not that I don’t have an answer
It’s just not the one that I’d like
But through this time Lord I must keep in mind
You’re always wiser than I
You have a much better purpose
And You have a far greater plan
And You have a bigger perspective
Cause You hold this world in your hands
The things that I seek are from You
Like the strong healing touch of your hand
But when You say no help me trust even though
There’s a reason I can’t understand
When that miracle comes cause Your answer is yes
I will praise you for all of my days
But when Your wisdom declares that a no is best
I will praise You just the same
Praying for our journey to be done the way He wants and in His time.....Lord grant us the wisdom and discernment we need to live in Your will.
